but for your health and safety...
please read the following information before meeting guys for sex
- safer sex and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
- HIV and other STDs you should be aware of
- i'm worried i may have an STD - where do i get professional advice?
- meeting up with strangers safely
- alcohol, drugs and sex
1. safer sex and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
there are many diseases that can be caught whilst having sex, some of which cannot be cured and some of which can be fatal.
fortunately, it is possible to have a lot of fun without risking your life too much if you know what you are doing :)
get tested regularly: many STDs are very treatable but dangerous if left untreated so for your health it's important to know your STD status. you're also doing your best to respect and look after your sex partners if you are taking steps to minimize the risk of passing anything on to them. if you have regular sex with different sex partners, consider getting tested every 3 months.
never assume that the guy you are having sex with will tell you if he has HIV or other STDs. he may well be infected without knowing, and even if he does know he may choose to keep it secret or lie about it. the most effective way to stay infection free is to take complete responsibility for your own protection and assume that any guy you have sex with could be carrying HIV or another STD.
never assume you will be able to spot someone who has HIV or other STD. usually, the guy will appear perfectly fit and healthy regardless of any STD infection.
be aware that drink and recreational drugs can adversely affect your judgement and make you take risks during sex you might regret later.
unprotected sex within a monogamous relationship is only safe if you have both been tested after 3 or more months of monogamy and your partner really is maintaining the monogamy. how long have you known him? have you any doubts whatsoever about his behaviour when you are not there?
the more sex you have with different guys, statistically the chances become higher that you will at some time be exposed to various infections, although all it takes is a single unprotected sexual encounter to become infected.
if you slip up and unsafe sex happens, you may find that your doctor can offer you "Post Exposure Prophylaxis" (PEP) - this treatment can reduce the chance of infection taking place when you have been exposed to the HIV(AIDS) virus. the sooner PEP is started, the more likely it is to work; within 24 hours is best, but no later than 72 hours (three days). after 72 hours PEP is unlikely to work.
be aware that having one STD (e.g. Gonorrhea) can make you more susceptible to infection with something more serious (e.g. HIV). always have your health checked out if you think you might have picked up an infection.
because condoms protect against a range of STDs, they offer the best general purpose protection against STD infection, despite the appearance of other options such as TasP and PrEP which protect against HIV infection only.
pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP)
if you do not have HIV, your risk of HIV infection can be significantly reduced by taking an antiretroviral pill such as Truvada every day (more info on PrEP).
treatment as prevention (TasP)
risk of infection from an HIV+ person is known to be extremely low if they are on antiretroviral treatment and have an undetectable viral load. neither the PARTNER nor 'Opposites Attract' studies recorded a single infection in this situation (more info on TasP).
note: unlike a condom, TasP and PrEP protection cannot be seen so will usually require taking someone's word that the protection genuinely exists. it may not be wise to trust what is being told to you (particularly in a casual sex situation).
fucking (anal sex):
fucking is higher risk than most other common sexual activities - if a condom is worn for the entire time it will significantly reduce the risk of STD infection (by an estimated 95% in the case of HIV).
if two guys fuck without a condom, the guy who is being fucked has the biggest risk of receiving an infection (about 8 times higher for HIV). even if the guy doing the fucking pulls out before cumming there is still a risk of HIV infection from his pre-cum, although the risk may be somewhat reduced.
when fucking, always make sure that you use plenty of water-based lubricant, as this will reduce the risk of the condom breaking. even without a condom, it also reduces the risk that the guy getting fucked will receive small cuts/abrasions in his anus, (these further increase the risk that any infection is transferred). oil based lubricant must NOT be used with a rubber condom, as it will dissolve it.
after the guy who is doing the fucking has come, he should (carefully) withdraw whilst holding on to the base of the condom to make sure that it remains in place.
sucking (oral sex):
sucking a guy's cock is regarded as lower risk than allowing him to fuck you, because the inside of the mouth is more resilient to infection than the rectum. the risk of infection transfer is greater for the guy doing the sucking than for the guy being sucked.
the safest way to have oral sex is to make sure a condom is used the entire time, there is a possibility of infection with HIV or other STD if you don't.
but because oral sex carries a considerably reduced 7% of the risk of anal sex, some guys choose not to use a condom, although please note:
- oral sex without a condom is high risk if you have any sores in your mouth or your gums are bleeding
- brushing your teeth shortly before having oral sex will increase the risk of infection. brush your teeth before going out on your date, not when you bring him home for sex
- many people will use mouthwash instead of brushing, but this is also not recommended
- the risk of infection is increased if you allow the guy to cum in your mouth, or if he produces any pre-cum inside your mouth
mutual masturbation is generally regarded as the safest sexual activity, because there is less risk of exchange of body fluids.
even so, if a man is carrying the HIV virus his cum can be highly infectious so cum should be treated with care. if 1 guy comes first, the other guy should never use his cum as lube (the urethra is a site of infection), and you should be especially careful if either of you have any cuts or sores - these provide a route to infection if they come into contact with the others blood, cum or pre-cum.
2. STDs you should be aware of
Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV/AIDS)
HIV is not very infectious (it is highly unlikely to be caught by simple touching or even kissing with tongues), it can be serious or fatal though so care should be taken to avoid infection. a good protection from HIV is to always make sure a condom is worn during penetrative sex.
HIV infection cannot be cured. drugs exist which can help control the virus, but the side affects can be extremely unpleasant and not everyone is able to take them. the virus can also build up resistance to these drugs (quite quickly if the drug regime is not adhered to very strictly) and for some guys it is just not possible to identify a treatment that helps. do not reduce your vigilance against HIV infection just because you believe it to be "treatable".
someone with HIV can look and feel completely healthy, and so for many people the first time they become aware that they have the HIV virus is when the disease advances to AIDS (the point where the HIV infected person falls ill). this can occur many years after initial infection though, so do not assume that just because someone looks fit and healthy that they do not have HIV.
HIV is spread mostly by people who don't realize they have the virus and are therefore not under treatment, the only way to be sure that you are not infected with the HIV virus is to be tested. if you are worried, visit your doctor or local health center to arrange this. further info on HIV/AIDS...
there are various different types of hepatitis, all of them affect your liver and can have serious health consequences or even be fatal. hepatitis is much more infectious than HIV, the normal route of infection is similar (having penetrative sex without a condom or via infected blood), although it is also possible to contract hepatitis through rimming (licking a guys anus). hepatitis B can be caught through oral sex, and hepatitis A can be even be caught from kissing.
fortunately, a vaccine exists for hepatitis types A and B and all gay men are advised to have it if possible - visit your doctor or local health center to arrange this. no vaccine yet exits for hepatitis C however, so a condom remains the only protection from this when having sex. further info on hepatitis...
syphilis is a bacterial infection, the first signs of infection is usually sores on your cock or anus, sometimes combined with swollen glands - these usually heal within 4-6 weeks, although 1-6 months later a reddish-pink non-itchy rash will appear on the trunk and extremities accompanied with general feeling of illness.
syphilis can cause serious health problems if left untreated but can be cured with antibiotics, so if you think there is a chance you have it visit your doctor or local health center to arrange a test. further info on syphilis...
gonorrhea is a bacterial infection, the first signs of which are usually pain when urinating (pissing) and a white milky discharge coming from your penis (cock).
gonorrhea can cause serious health problems if left untreated but can usually be cured with antibiotics (although unfortunately in 2016 drug resistant strains of the bacteria are starting to appear, making infection potentially more serious). if you think there is a chance you have it visit your doctor or local health center to arrange a test. further info on gonorrhea...
herpes is an viral infection marked by painful, watery blisters in the skin or mucous membranes (such as the mouth or lips) or on the genitals. in an infected person, these blisters will not always be present but will continue to re-appear, often during times of stress or tiredness. it is possible to catch herpes from someone even if the blisters are not present, although if the blisters are present infection is far more likely.
herpes cannot be cured, although a condom can decrease the risk of infection from genital herpes somewhat. once infected, anti-viral treatments exist which can help you manage the symptoms. further info on herpes....
genital warts are a highly infectious viral infection, and are spread during oral, genital, or anal sex with an infected partner, and appear as fleshy, small raised growth that looks like cauliflower.
sometimes, genital warts will disappear of their own accord, although because they are highly infectious and equally might not go without treatment, you are advised to visit your doctor or local health center to arrange treatment if you contract genital warts. further info on genital warts...
Pubic lice (crabs)
crab lice are small insects that are between 1-3mm long. generally the first signs that you have been infected with crabs will be itching around your groin and possibly noticing small specks of blood in your underwear. crabs can also live in a man's beard.
you can confirm the diagnosis yourself by close examination, as the lice should be visible (often attached to a strand of pubic hair).
treatment of crab lice is simple - visit your doctor, local pharmacy or drug store and explain the problem, you will be provided with a cream which to apply on the affected area, these treatments are also available online. further info on crabs...
Further information on all of the above and other STDs not covered here
please visit wikipedia
3. i'm worried i may have an STD - where do i get professional advice? your best route to getting professional advice will depend on your location, as the health care in different countries is provided in different ways.
your normal doctor should be able to help, if you do not wish to approach him/her about the problem, you may find that there is a STD clinic in your area (possibly attached to your local hospital). the advantage of going this route is that it may be possible to receive anonymous testing, meaning the fact that you requested the test (and the results) will not be added to your medical history file.
because of it's serious implications, when you get tested for HIV (the virus which causes AIDS) please think about how you would react to a positive result. do you have family or friends who you could talk to about it who would be supportive?
4. meeting up with strangers safely
dudesnude is here to help you have fun meeting and getting together with other guys! but whilst 99.9% of the guys on here are honest and decent people, please remember there is always a risk when meeting someone you have never met before that their intentions are not what they seem. to keep your fun safe, please bear in mind the following points when meeting up with a guy for the first time:
- never give him your home address before you have met him
- think twice about giving someone your phone number - especially in countries where gay sex is illegal (the police can use it to get your address)
- before going on an internet date, tell a friend where you are going and what site you met the guy on
- always arrange to meet in a neutral, public space where there are plenty of other people. a cafe or bar is ideal!
- only invite him back to your home (or go somewhere private with him) when you have spent enough time with him to be sure of his intentions
- always break off the date if you have a "sixth sense" telling you that something is not quite right. even if this makes him angry, remember that it is always your right to do this!
5. alcohol, drugs and sex
some people enjoy mixing alcohol or recreational drugs with sex, since doing so can result in lowered inhibitions.
please consider the following before you choose to have sex under the effects of alcohol or recreational drugs:
- are you familiar with the effects of the substances that you are intending to take before sex? some drugs (such as crystal meth) have a reputation for making a normally conservative individual completely discard condoms and safer-sex practices
- do you know the guy you're having sex with well enough to know that he will not take advantage of your state of lower personal control?
- do you trust yourself well enough that you will not do something that you will regret later on? it can be incredibly stressful and worrying to wake up in the morning, knowing you allowed unsafe sex to happen the night before whilst drunk
- many people believe that working to create a sexual situation where you feel confident and safe enough to express yourself fully whilst sober can result in sexual pleasure which far exceeds that possible when your senses have been dulled with intoxicants